Moments of the cullens and Bella
by Compassion001
Summary: You might see some typos and errors and things out of place. That's because I'm new to writing on this site and. Well, anyways, this is just a series of stories of some funny stuff that happened in their lives. please read and comment. I'm new to this sit
1. Stop the insanity!

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : are they doing what I think the're doing? Moments of the cullens...and Bella are they doing what I think the're doing?

Emmett's (POV)

"Emmett Mcarty Cullen!" Rosalie screamed outside to me. "you get away from my car before I have to hurt you!!"

I just laughed, completely ignoring her, and continued to do major damage to her car. I was tired of seeing her rub, clean, and talk about how much she loved her car. Everytime she tended to the car, this strange feeling would come over me. I think it's jealousy.

I mean she never talks about how much she loves me so why should I allow her to have the car anymore?

"get your damn hands off of my car, you bastard!" Rosalie screamed, teeth bared, expression deadly.

"take a chill pill, sweetheart. chillax. I'm just trying to fix your car".

yeah, I want to fix it alright! I wanna fix it real good!

Mwahahahaha!!

"you're dead!!"

I didn't see her lunge at me but I felt the impact as I went flying headfirst into a tree with my eyes closed.

when I opened my eyes, rosalie was standing over me, growling.

"come near my car again...and that'll be the end of you. do you understand?" she growled, glaring at me.

I smiled but didn't answer. She's so hot when she's pissed!

"I mean it, Emmett".

"sure you do", I said smugly.

She kicked me in my side and stomped off, fuming.

**two hours later...**

I was passing by Edwards room when I heard some noises coming from it. That's strange. I could have sworn that Edward and bella were at some restaurant. oh well. they probably came back early.

out of pure curiousity, I leaned my ear to the door to hear more clearer, not that I needed to anyway. I made sure to not think anything because I knew that would give me away and that Edward would kill me.

"Edward would you just put it in already?"Bella said in a frustrated voice.

I grinned. This was too good to be true! was my sexually repressed brother finally gonna lose it?

"but I don't want to hurt you", Edward replied. I could almost see the smile on his face.

Edward, Edward, Edward, you sly dog, you!!

I shook my head in mock disappointment.

"I'll be fine. Just put it in", Bella whined childishly. and I actually thought she was shy! guess she's not afraid to get what she wants!!

"alright, if your sure your ready", Edward said.

My smile got bigger. I've listened in on people "doing it" in my day, but this one just takes the cake!

Edward must have "put it in" because bella let out a blood curdling scream (no pun intended so don't even try it).

"ow, ow, ow! take it out! take it out right now!" She shouted.

"I knew it would hurt".

"maybe we could try again", she suggested. and I thought she was a saint!!

I didn't get to hear anymore because someone yanked me back by the ear.

OH SHIT!! IT'S ESME!!

"what did I tell you about eavesdropping?! you've done this for the third time this month! haven't you learned your lesson? don't make me have to go get your father on you!" Esme said, pulling my ear harder and harder with every word spoken.

if I was human my ear would be torn off by now and bleeding non-stop.

While esme was escorting me down the hall I heard Bella say "would you just put in the earing already? my god!!"

realization hit me with a strong force. They weren't doing what I thought they were doing, they were...putting in a stupid earing!!

If I could have blushed, my face would have gone from tan to deep crimson.


	2. My worst fear

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : My worst fear Moments of the cullens...and Bella My worst fear

Alice's (POV)

I never knew why Bella didn't like to play dress up and I also didn't know why she blushed so much. sigh. oh well. I guess I'll never figure that human girl out.

Dressing up was fun and very easy to do. Any other girl would kill for a chance to dress up in skimpy designer clothes, do their make-up with the finest brushes, and do their hair and put on designer high heeled shoes. But, oh no. not bella. She'd rather die than play Dress up witrh me. Sigh.

See that's one of my greatest fears. should bella ever decide to leave me completely when I want to play dress, I'll go into depression. but I don't think she'd ever do that to me.

My worst of all worst fears is losing my ability to shop freely. who cares about seeing the future if you can't go shopping umpteen times and look nice while doing it?

not me!

**Two days later...**

"Bella, are you hungry?" I asked my brothers girlfriend.

She looked up at me from her place in Edwards lap and blushed.

I groaned inwardly. it really get's annoying when she blushes...but then again it goes so great with her skin tone.

"er, okay. What do you have?" Bella asked politely.

I smiled and said "I'll have to go buy some food. the fridge is empty".

Naturally, I was happy about this because it gave me a chance to go shopping for some more clothes.

I swiped my credit cards from my room and went outside with my handbag. "I'll be right back, Jasper!" I called to my beloved husband. I sighed. such a sweet man...

In less than two minutes I had gotten bella some food to eat and was on my way to the store to buy some clothes.

When I got where I needed to be, I picked up at least seventeen outfits that I thought looked cute and brought them up to the cash register.

I decided I wanted more clothes and went back to get some more outfits, leaving the person at the cash register with my credit cards.

"Miss, I'm sorry but these credit cards are maxed out", The cashier called to me.

I turned slowly around, not sure I heard him right.

"what was that?"

"your credit cards are maxed out, ma'am".

I laughed nervously. "no, that can't be right. there has to be one of them that's working correctly".

"I'm sorry. there isn't".

I laughed again, not believing my ears.

"but you can't be serious! there has to be a mistake!"

the cashier looked scared now. "um, I'm sorry. you'll have to get another credit card to pay for all this clothing, ma'am".

before I knew what I was doing I was up in his face and trying to strangle him with my bare hands.

"miss, your hurting my neck", the cashier gasped for air, trying to pry my hands from his throat.

"I don't give a damn!" I yelled.

Luckily there was no one else in the store to witness this because I'd be skedaddling halfway to China by now.

after a second or two I realized that I was going to kill him if I continued. I unclasped my hands from his warm neck and laid my head down on the table and started to sob dry tears.

"there has to be a mistake...there has to be a mistake...this can't be happening to me...I need to buy these clothes", I sobbed.

I lifted my head up and shouted at the cashier. "you don't understand, man! I have to buy clothes! that's what I do, dawg! that's who I am, a shopaholic!"

The cashier's eyes went wide and then he...ran out of the store screaming "someone help me! there's a maniac on the loose! alert the towns people! lock your doors! call the police!"

I continued to sob dry tears and then made sure that absolutely no one was in the store...and then I picked up the stack of clothes and sped out to my car, sobbing all the way.

That, my friends, is the worstest of all of my fears.

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	3. Amen

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : Amen Moments of the cullens...and Bella Amen

Jasper's (POV)

"Alice, I don't want to play dress up", I whined, grimacing at the pink frilly dress that she held in her hand.

"why not? it'll be fun!" She said, smiling.

I could feel the happiness radiating off of her but I didn't care. I just didn't want to put on the girly dress. I could finally see why Bella never wanted anything to do with playing dressup with Alice.

"fun? this is what you call fun? playing videos games is funner than this!"

Alice sighed. "at least put on the dress and let me see how you look!"

I gave up. At least no one but her would see me in the dress.

"gimme the dress".

She happiliy handed me the frilly attire and helped me into it.

**three minutes later...**

"do you like it?" Alice asked me.

I looked at the mirror in horror. I looked like the cript keeper!

She had applied make-up on my face so that made me look even worse. wait...it didn't make me look worse. it made me look...gay!

"it makes my hips look fat!" I yelled.

Alice frowned at me. "don't insult my work. you're just jealous because you can't design clothes like me!" she screeched.

I didn't answer so she said "wanna try on another outfit? I could give your feet a pedicure".

My eyes widened. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! no no no no!!"

Then I ran and accidently broke through our bedroom window, landing myself outside.

"jasper hale, you get your butt in here this instant!" I ignored my wife and ran at human speed to the nearest place I could find.

**five minutes later...**

I had ended up at a farm where some horses were. I looked down and realized that I was still wearing the dress. I groaned aloud. "you here to ride a horse, ma'am?" an old man asked me.

I shot him a deathly glare and nodded my head like a donkey.

"well, you can ride ole rusty over here". The old man pointed to a black horse with a long perky tail.

"whatever", I mumbled and got on the horse's back.

"now there's something special about this horse".

"how so?"

"to make it go, you have to say 'Amen' and to make it stop you have to say 'thank the lord'".

I grinned. of all the ridiculous things...

"Amen" I shouted to the sky. with that the horse started to gallop around.

"Thank the lord" The horse came to an abrupt stop.

I went back and forth like that until Twilight took over the horizon.

I noticed the horse was getting tired now but I continued to make it go and stop.

it was almost midnight when I noticed something that made me go even paler than usual. there was a cliff coming up ahead.

but strangely, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to say to make it stop.

my eyes got bigger and bigger. The cliff was getting closer as the horse continued to gallop faster and faster.

finally, I remembered what I was supposed to say.

"Thank the lord", I shouted.

The horse stopped four inches away from the end of the cliff.

I sighed in relief. if my heart was still alive it would be beating rapidly.

"Amen", I said then...realized my mistake.

UH-OH...

The horse started to move...

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	4. Your immaturity will be the death of me!

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : your immaturatity will be the death of me! Moments of the cullens...and Bella your immaturatity will be the death of me!

Bella's (POV)

I haven't heard from Edward in two days. As a matter of fact I haven't seen or heard from his family either. Hmmm...I wonder what's up.

out of pure curiousity I got in my truck and drove to the Cullen's mansion. I knocked on their door and heard no answer.

Almost as if by magic the door creaked open.

Okay that was creepy on soooooo many levels but then again...what about the Cullen's house isn't creepy?

as soon as the door opened completely I stepped in and what I saw next made my mouth drop open in shock.

What was so surprising was the fact that Carlisle had Jasper in a headlock, Emmett was trying to stuff Alice in the washing machine, Rosalie was...well let's just say that her mouth was filled with some kind of green goo as was her beautiful blonde hair and her face wasn't very clean.

"What the hell is going on here?!" I yelled.

Every looked up at me in surprise.

Rosalie, with her messy self was the first to speak up. "well...Aro invented this potion that makes adult vampires act like little children", she said as plain as day.

"and you all are okay with that?" I asked.

"yes", they all murmmered.

"apparently Aro's potion takes over their entire brain", I mumbled to myself.

Everyone went back to what they were doing.

What, was I supposed to just accept this and move on? are they out of their minds?

"where's Edward's?" I asked.

"upstairs", they said in unison.

I was about to go up the stairs when I decided to take care of the mess in front of me.

"Emmett, a washing machine is not where Alice belongs. please put her on the ground. Carlisle, please let go of Jaspers head before it comes off altoghether. Rosalie stopped sticking green goo in your hair, you are not a pig".

"but I don't want to put her down. she can fit, I promise", Emmett whined as Alice began to sob dryly.

"I want Jaspers head to come off. That way he wont bother me anymore", Carlisle said quietly.

I had to laugh at that one.

"I want to look like a pig!" Rosalie screamed.

"I mean it guys! stop doing these things before I have to give you a time out!" I yelled.

"fine", they all muttered simutaneously.

I went upstairs to find that Edward had no shirt on or pants and he only had on a cape and some underwear.

Before I could utter a gasp or word, Edward jumped in front of me and screamed

"DANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN!!"

I clutched my now pounding ears and slowly backed out of the room, closing the door.

When I got downstairs the place was a mess. their was jelly everywhere, chairs scattered around, water on the floor, screaming could be heard in all directions, and Alice, Rosaliem Jasper, Carlisle, Esme were throwing furniture around.

"ALRIGHT, WHO STARTED THIS?" I yelled, my face red with rage, hands balled into tight fists.

Their was a moment of silence before each p erson pointed at the other. "HE/SHE DID IT!"

I sighed. "Esme, how come I didn't see you before when I first came here?" I asked.

Esme giggled like mad. "um, because, um, I was, er, playing in the tree in the backyard", she answered nervously.

I slapped my hand to my forehead and they laughed.

**thirty minutes later...**

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaaa, Rosalie bit meeeeeeee!!" Jasper whined, stamping his feet, making the house shake under his weight.

"I don't care just keep cleaning", I said, glaring at Rosalie.

She giggled and hid her face behind her red sweater.

Emmett came over to me with hundreds of gummy worms stuck to his face. He grinned.

"take that candy off your face right now!" I yelled.

"Check it out", Emmett said. "I'm a gummy mummy!"

"Emmett..."

"fine! god!" he scoffed and stomped off to the bathroom.

"can I do your hair?" Alice asked me.

"no".

Alice frowned. "meanie bobeanie slowveanie", she said.

I laughed to myself. This just might be very enjoyable. Especially to watch Edward with no shirt on...yeah this is going to be fun.

**a day later...**

"Hello bella", Edward said.

"did you know that yesterday you and your family were acting like kids?" I said, excited.

Edward snickered. "yeah right".

"no, it's true, you could even ask Aro!"

"Aro? what does he have to do with anything?"

"because he made a potion that makes vampires act like kids!"

"you have such an amazing imagination", Edward said, a smile creeping in his voice.

I sighed. if he wasn't going to believe me then his family wasn't going to believe me either.

oh I give up!


	5. Simply irresistable

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : simply irresistable Moments of the cullens...and Bella simply irresistable

Rosalie's (POV)

I was bored today so I went to bother Edward for one of his classical CD's.

"can I borrow the Mozart CD?" I asked him.

"why?" Edward asked, his eyes barely leaving Bella's.

I stuck out my finger and pretended to gag. They looked so disgusting toghether.

"I heard that!" Edward hissed. Damn it! I forgot he could read my mind!

"would you stop staring into each other's eyes? it's making me sick!" I yelled.

Bella blushed, as usual, no surprise. Edward shot me a death glare that said "get the hell out!"

I slowly backed out of his room and ran back to my room.

I had a plan and it involved that human girl of his, even though I didn't like her very much.

if I couldn't get Edward to hand over the Mozart CD, I would get Bella to talk him into giving it to me.

**two hours later...**

"Rose, I'm not sure I can do that", Bella whimpered.

I rolled my eyes.

She's the weakest person I've ever met! stupid mortal.

"first of all, don't call me 'Rose', second of all, If you don't do this I'll hate you even more, and third of all, you're going to do it whether you like it or not!" I shouted at her, hands crumpled into fists.

Her bottome lip quivered. it looked like she was was about to cry.

crybaby.

"I-I can't do it", she said.

I bopped her head with a soft pillow, as to no hurt her.

"oh suck it up and be a man!" I said and bopped her in the head again.

To my surprise she grabbed the pillow from me and said "I'll do it". she sounded serious too.

I patted her shoulder. "good", I said.

**three hours later...**

"okay, Bella, it's time. do what I told you to do and maybe, just maybe, I'll be a bit nicer to you", I said, knowing that the last part was a complete lie.

Like I'd actually be nice to her! as if!

She nodded and ambled into Edward's room. I followed with an evil grin on my face.

"Edward, will you please give Rosalie your Mozart CD? it would mean alot to me", Bella said softly.

I almost believed her myself.

Edward looked at me suspiciously before answering her. "why? I thought you hated her", he said.

Bella gasped for dramatic effect. "I had never hated her. how could you say such a terrible thing?!"

"well, I-I d-didn't know", Edward stuttered.

I covered my mouth to hide a snicker. I made sure to block my thoughts by singing Mary had a little lamb.

this was better than a soap opera!!

"please give her the CD. I'd be very happy if you did", Bella whispered.

Wow! she was a better actress than I had thought she was!

I was suddenly aware of tears cascading down Bella's cheeks. If I hadn't known better I had thought that she really wanted me to have that dumb CD...

"please..."Bella said again, tears continuing to fall down her cheeks.

I almost felt like crying...NOT!!

Edward pursed his lips and then crushed his physique to Bella's in a strong, comforting hug.

"alright, love, Rosalie can have the Mozart CD. please don't cry. It's tearing my heart apart!" Edward dry sobbed and pulled her closer.

"can't...breath..."Bella gasped for air.

Stupid humans. always have to ruin the moment.

Edward gently pushed her away and kissed her forehead, then he tossed the Mozart CD my way. "keep it", he said.

my dead heart fluttered up to my throat.

AT LAST!! VICTORY IS MINE!!

"sweet victory", I mumbled under my breath.

When Edward was on his bed reading, Bella leaned over to me and whispered "how'd you like the fake tears? I bought them at Walmart".

I grinned devilishly. "Genious", I whispered back to her.

She flushed a bright red and giggled before joining Edward on the bed.

I guess she wasn't as angelic and innocent as I thought she was.

I guess there's a lot I don't know about her.

I will find the rest of her dark side, but...in the meantime...I'll ease up a bit...not too much but just enough.

I've taught her well.

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	6. Run for your life!

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : Run for your life!! Moments of the cullens...and Bella Run for your life!!

Rosalie's (POV)

"Hey, Rose, I have a dare for you", my retarted husband said.

I rolled my eyes and continued to fix my hair. "what that?" I asked, fixing my make-up.

"I dare you to be nice for a day. you start tommorrow", he answered.

I smiled wickedly. "what's in it for me?"

"The satisfaction of seeing their faces".

I didn't get it but I took it anyway. "yeah, alright, but you have to give me...two thousand bucks".

He stuck his hand and we shook on it. "done. I hope you're ready for this".

"ready for what? this'll be cake".

Emmett grinned. "whatever you say, Rose, whatever you say".

I raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on his statement.

**a day later...**

I came down the stairs and braced myself for what was going to happen.

"good morning everyone. how are you all doing?" I said, looking at each and everyone one of my family members expression, gauging their reactions. They all looked horrified and very nervous.

"W-why are you being so nice?" Jasper stuttered.

I smiled sweetly. "can't I be nice sometimes?" I asked.

Even Esme was scared. "B-but, you're n-never nice", she stuttered.

Carlisle looked like he might pee his pants. I had to laugh inwardly at that. he looked so funny!

"I-I'll be g-going n-now", Carlisle said, backing away into the livingroom.

"Daddy, can I give you a hug?" I asked in a baby like voice.

Carlisle looked at me nervously and ran away screaming rather girlishly. He literally ran through the front door in his haste.

Yeah...we are sooo gonna have to fix that!

I looked at jasper and smiled evilly. "do you want a hug?" I asked him, opening my arms.

"mommy, protect me from the evil lady!!" he screamed, clinging to Esme's stomach like a child.

Esme picked Jasper up in her arms and ran away at vampire speed, Screaming bloody murder.

I threw my head back and laughed.

This is too easy.who knew that my beloved family would be scared if I decided to act like Mary Poppins? Way to go Emmett!

But...where the hell is Alice? Oh well. She's probably shopping. I'll get her later...and Edward and Bella too.

**sixth hours later...**

"hello, Bella. and how are you today?" I asked Bella.

She looked at me with a terrified look. "Edward, your sister is creeping me out! what's wrong with her?"

Edward was at her side in a flash, looking at me blankly.

I made sure to block my actual thoughts by singing the uncensored version of Barbie girl.

_I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. It's not fantastic. My boobs are plastic._

"Hello, Edward. you sure look nice today", I commented.

I looked at Bella and flashed an innocent smile. "and your hair looks...nice", I said to her, trying to keep my voice light. to tell you the truth, I thought her hair looked trashy in it's usual grotesque ponytail.

yuck! it gave me shudders just looking at it.

"are you sick?" Edward asked, giving me a suspicious look.

I shook my head no. "nope, It's all me".

He still wouldn't let it drop. "who's paying you to do this? I could pay you twice as much to go back to your normal self", he said.

"no one's paying me, silly! It's all me, I swear!" I lied.

"you better be telling the truth".

I ignored him. "Bella, may I interest you in a hug?" I asked her.

Bella started to cry. "what did I do to deserve this?" she yelled to the ceiling.

Then, er, she ran through the living room glass window, blubbering like a baby.

Edward ran through the window behind her.

wow, I didn't know she had the guts to do such a thing, but whatever, she'll be alright.

Now it's time for Alice.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

right on cue, Alice walked in, carrying at least twelve shopping bags.

"what's up, Alice?"

She stared at me in surprise. "um, hi..."she mumbled.

"would you like a kiss?" I asked.

She must've had a vision because she dropped her bags, ripped open the front door, and ran out, screaming "Every man for himself!!"

I pouted. I didn't even get to try on my Mary Poppins outfit! oh well...

"Alright, Emmett, pay up. pass up the moola. roll out the green paper!" I yelled, smiling happily.

Emmett appeared quite literally out of nowhere and slapped a thousand bucks in my hand.

"you did it! you scared off everyone! come here and give me a hug!" he exclaimed.

I embraced him and gave him a kiss on the mouth.

"you should have seen their faces!"

"you are such an evil mastermind!"

I grinned at him. "I know".

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	7. On crack

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : On crack Moments of the cullens...and Bella On crack

_I'm the biggest boss that you seen thus far. I'm the, I'm the biggest boss that you seen thus far. I'm the biggest boss that you seen thus far. 'cause, It's just another day in the life of the god damn boss. boss, ba-ba boss, ba-ba boss, ba-ba boss, of the god damn boss, ba-ba boss, ba-ba boss, ba-ba boss. shawty straight diggin me, and I ain't even rich..._

"Isabella Marie Swan, are you listening to R&B music? I thought I told you that I hate that kind of music!" Alice growled at me.

I gave her a lopsided grin and turned up the music higher.

_I'm the biggest boss that you seen thus far..._

Alice came over to where I was and literally tore the button off the radio that said ON/OFF.

The radio stopped making noise altogether.

I frowned up at her. "What was that for?" I asked quietly.

"what is the matter with you?" she asked.

I grinned. "do you have some of that awesome water Charlie has downstairs? it tastes better than dirt!"

"Bella, you're not supposed to eat dirt. Wait a second, did that water taste like regular water to you?"

I thought for a moment. "no, it tasted like dirt mixed with some sort of really strong soda".

Alice gasped. "Bella, I don't think that was water. I think you're drunk!"

I smiled at her in a dreamy way and fell asleep, with Rick Ross's "The Boss", replaying again and again in my head.

**The next day...**

"hey, everybody! I have a party in my pants! who wants to come? Anyone? anyone?" I shouted.

The members of the Cullen family stared at me in shock, especially Edward. His mouth was hanging open and drool was leaking out.

"what kind of party is it?" Emmett asked.

"it's a freaky party, with hoes grinding on poles!" I exclaimed, unashamed.

Emmett ran to my side and tried to shove his hands in my pants. "EMMETT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Rosalie screamed out.

A low growl grew in Edwards chest and it worked it's way out of his mouth.

"Get away from her!!" He roared angrily.

Emmett put his hands up in surrender and back away from me...sloooooooooooowly, but not before whispering in my ear "I'll be coming to that party later on".

I grinned at this new piece of news.

Can this family get more dramatic, you ask?

yes, folks, they can!

Esme smiled nervously and said "I'll go make her some tea".

"NO! I want chocolate milk! tea tastes yucky!" I started to cry.

"um, okay! no crying, sweetie. I'll go get you some...Chocolate milk", Esme said in a panicky voice.

she hurried away before I could start up to say anything else.

"Hey! who wants to bite me?" I shouted.

The whole room went quiet.

Jasper growled and bared his teeth, getting into a crouch.

"it looks like we've got a winner!" I squealed, clapping my hands like a kid.

"that is enough! this is getting way out of hand!" Edward yelled, trying to restrain Jasper from coming anywhere near me.

"I want a hotdog with lots of ketchup!"

Rosalie glared at me through narrowed. "get it yourself", she grumbled.

"I want to pop Edward's cherries!" I blurted out.

There was a moment of silence before the room was filled laughter.

Edward looked at me, terrified. "you want to pop my what?" he asked. I could have sworn his face got paler than usual.

"she wants to pop your cherries!" Emmett boomed with laughter.

Rosalie laughed so hard, she fell out of her chair.

Esme laughed so hard, her face got chalk wgite.

Rosalie glared at the floor.

"Hey, alice! Elvis called and said he wants his hair back", I slurred, feeling really tired.

Alice's eyes went charcoal black and her hands formed into fists.

"ooh, you're gonna get it now", Rosalie said, excited.

I gave her the 'hand' and smacked my butt. "take the hand because the booty's off duty".

Rosalie shot daggers at me with her eyes. "oh hell no! you did not just give me the hand!" she yelled at me.

I grinned at her. "so, I did. what are you going to do about it?"

Rosalie took off her earrings and shoes and shoved them into Alice's hands.

"oh, it's on now, girlfriend!" Rosalie screeched, rolling up her sleeve.

"This can't be good", Alice groaned.

Edward pulled me away from Rosalie. "we need to get you to carlisle", he said.

I kicked him and darted away to the kitchen. "CARLISLE, SHE'S ON THE LOOSE. I THINK YOU NEED TO SEDATE HER!!" Edward screamed in pain.

Suddenly, Carlisle was in front of me, blocking my exit.

"and where do you think your going?" He asked, taking out a needle with a really sharp point.

I whimpered at the sight of the needle. "n-nowhere", I started.

Carlisle took my arm gently. "this'll only hurt a little", he said quietly.

"oh boogers", I whimpered to myself.

there was no escaping now.

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	8. Sailor mouth

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : Sailor mouth Moments of the cullens...and Bella Sailor mouth

Esme's (POV)

"Hello, Esme", Emmett said politely.

I smiled at him. "Hello, Emmett. is everything okay?" I said.

Emmett grinned mischieviously.

_uh-oh, this can't be good,_ I thought nervously.

"what kind of clothing do you like, Esme?" Emmett asked innocently.

"um, clasual", I answered uneasily.

oh god. what was he up to now? oh god, help me please!

"are you sure you don't like any other kind of clothing?"

"positive".

"are sure?"

I sighed. "I'm sure. now what is it that you want?"

Emmett's grin got wider. "weeeeeeeeeeell...let's see..."

**an hour later...**

"Emmett, why did you insist that I put on this hoodlum outfit?" I asked, looking down at the oversized hoodie and baggy jeans that I was now wearing.

"it's all part of my genious plan".

I rolled my eyes, irritated.

"and what is your plan exactly?"

"Esme, do you trash talk?"

I snorted. "no, of course not!"

"well, you're going to have to today".

I raised an eyebrow.

"and why is that?"

"you love your garden right?"

I crossed my arms. where the heck was he going with this?

"of course".

"well, if you don't start trash talking up a storm at random people in the next five minutes, I will personally destroy your beloved garden".

This got my attention. If I could have cried, I would be bawling by now.

"you wouldn't!"

"oh believe me, I would".

I stomped my feet childishly. "I'm telling Carlisle!"

"go ahead. I already threatened that if he tried to help you, I would hire someone to steal his medical stuff".

"and how are you going to do that?"

Emmett shrugged. "I know a guy that knows some people who talk to some people. you know how it is".

I didn't ask any further questions, for I feared that if I said something wrong, my precious garden would be harmed.

"are you up for it?"

I pouted. "whatever, let's this over with, you evil demon".

Emmett laughed.

"I am, aren't I?"

I glared at him and he ushered me outside if the house.

"you know what to do", Emmett told.

I growled under my breath and trudged off to find my first victim of the day.

I picked out a young woman that looked to be in her thirties. I walked over to her and said "what up, Bitch? what you been up to?"

The woman looked at in shock. "That is no way to address me!" The woman gasped.

I smiled. this just might turn out to be fun...

"don't talk to me like that, you hoe!"

"I'm calling the police!" The woman shouted.

"call the po-po, hoe! just call the po-po and see what I'll do to you!"

The woman frantically took out her cell phone and started to dial numbers. I smacked it out of her hand and spit on her shoes.

The woman looked at me with tear filled eyes and said "Why can't you just leave me alone!"

Then she ran off.

"That was great! I didn't know you had it in you!" Emmett said, running up to me.

"me neither", I muttered.

"now for your next victim".

I grinned at him which seemed to shock him.

"I see your enjoying this", Emmett said.

"Actually, I am".

I skipped off to find someone else to mess with.

I picked out a little girl that looked to be about six or eight years old.

"what's crack-a-lackin' my home skillet biscuit?" I said to the small girl.

"nothing, just chillin" the girl anwered coolly.

I had to laugh at this! it was priceless!

"you got some stickers I could have?" I asked.

"no".

"well, go buy me some, you midget lookin' brat!" I sneered.

"who you talkin' to like that, you hobo?" The girl spat back.

I began to get angry. NO ONE CALLS ME A HOBO! NO ONE!

"you listen here, you anorexic lookin' munchkin! show me some respect or I'll give you a beatdown you'll never forget!"

"skank!"

did she just call me a skank? oh it's on now, girlfriend like mud on a pig!

I cracked my knuckles.

"MOMMY!!" the girl screamed and kicked me in my shin.

Being a vampire, I didn't flinch but the girl ran away anyway and I let her. she really was a little brat.

**two seconds later...**

I walked up beside a black man in a suit and said "haven't been black since 1999 lookin' motherfucker! get him!!" I coughed to try to cover up the words but he still heard.

he glared at me.

"ma'am, do you realize who I am?" he asked me.

I was confused. "no".

"I'm a cop in disguise looking for people who get out their place".

My mouth dropped open.

uh-oh...I'm toast...

**five minutes later...**

The cop slapped a couple of handcuffs on my wrists.

"how much time am I in for?" I asked quietly.

"that's none of your concern, ma'am", The cop answered, annoyed.

I spotted Emmett hiding behind a bush and snickering like an idiot.

the next thing I knew, I was screaming "Emmett you had better have my back on this! I mean it! I will personally hunt you down and kill you if you don't!"

Emmett snickered in response.

"Ma'am will you just be quiet and get in the car?" the cop asked.

I obedoently ducked my head in the police car, but not before yelling "you haven't seen the last of me!"

That only made Emmet laugh harder.

I growled as the police car pulled away.

I vowed to myself that I'd never do anything stupid like this ever again!!

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter


	9. Dirty mouth?

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : Dirty mouth? Moments of the cullens...and Bella Dirty mouth?

Alice's (POV)

okay, so...everytime Jasper attempts to fix his car...he ends up doing something wrong, cursing rather badly, and lifting it off the ground and throwing far, far away.

Yeah...er...Jasper isn't very good at fixing cars and I hate to hear him curse. So...today...I hatched a plan that was rather funny--if I do say so myself--and one that would stop him from having a sailor mouth.

I guess you could say that I got the idea of the plan from a certain...commercial on...television...

need I say more?

**twenty minutes later...**

I was reading a book when I saw that Jasper had mistakenly made a hole through the back end of his car, doing...who knows what...

He let out a couple of curse words that I didn't even know that he knew!

I was surprised!

I laughed inwardly. it time for my master plan...

"Jasper, dear, you really should stop cussing so much. You'll frighten the neighbors", I joked. I mean, after all...we didn't have neighbors!

Jasper turned to me and growled.

I smiled evilly and took out the gum that I had brought from the store nearby.

It was called ORBIT MINT.

"have you ever seen this piece of gum before?" I asked him.

He shook his head.

I plastered on a perky smile and prepared myself for what I was about to do.

I ran up in front of him and said in British accent "Dirty mouth?"

"I don't understand..." He started but I cut him off.

"clean it up with NEW ORBIT MINT!!" I yelled in the same fake british accent.

before he could utter another word I stuffed the gum in his mouth. He tried to spit it out.

I growled at him and he kept the gum in his mouth.

"Chew", I said gravely.

He was smart. he did as he was told.

Then he gave me a toothy grin. His teeth shined just like in the commercial...how strange...

My smile got bigger. "Fabulous!" I exclaimed, happy that my plan worked.

But wait did it?

I kicked Jasper in the shin.

"SHIT!!" he screamed, crunching over in pain.

I sighed and walked back into the house.

Aw crud. I guess my plan didn't work after all...

Stupid commercial!

I am going to sue whoever made up that advertisement!

Previous Chapter


	10. My idol

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : My Idol... Moments of the cullens...and Bella My Idol...

Emmett's (POV)

I had just finshed reading Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer, when I turned on the TV. I gasped and the remote fell from my hand. there on channel twenty-two was HER discussing her new book, Breaking Dawn, which was the fourth book to the Twilight saga that I loved so much.

I jumped up and down in the couch, clapping my hands in pure happiness. "Emmett, get your filthy feet from my new couch. I'll kill you if you make a dent in it like the last time", Esme threatened.

I jumped down from the couch. "I have to see her! I have to talk to her!" I squealed.

"who?" Esme questioned.

"Stephenie meyer. she is my Idol!"

Esme grinned. "you'll scare the living daylights out of her if she sees you. remember now, she is human", she said.

I glared at her. "oh what do you know?! you don't even know her!" I yelled.

Esme's grin just got wider and wider. "do you even know where she is right now?"

"duh! of course!"

Esme shook her head, shaking with laughter. "you've been spending way too much time with Rosalie and Alice!"

"and what's that supposed to mean?"

"it means that you're fruity".

I gasped. "I am not! if anyone's fruity it's you! I saw you staring at my wife's butt yesterday!"

now it was Esme's time to get angry. I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

"take it back or else!" she screamed.

"or else what?!" I screamed back.

"or else...or else...I'll tell Rosalie that you love this Stephenie character more than you love her! ha! I said it!"

I gasped again. "please don't! she'll murder me! alright,alright. I take it back! there, are ya happy now? god!"

Esme smiled sweetly. "just peachy keen, thank you. and... I still think you're fruity".

"I am NOT fruity!!"

"prove it!"

"say WHAT?!"

"you heard me. go do something that proves that you're not a queerdo".

I smiled. "alright...but you have to give me three hundred G's if I prove that I'm not fruity, 'kay?" I said, putting out my hand.

"done", Esme said. she shook my hand with her own before walking off to the kitchen.

**thirty minutes later in canada...**

I found Stephenie meyer's house on the east side of canada.

I took a breath and walked up the steps and knocked on her door.

The lovely lady who opened the door was none other than Mrs. Meyer herself.

"a-are you Stephenie meyer?" I asked, even though I already knew.

Stephenie looked me over with a very scared expression before answering. "in the flesh", she said, her voice cracking.

"can I come in?" I asked.

"Well, I don't think that would be a good idea. I have alot of work to do", She said quietly, trying to close the door.

I grabbed the door and accidentally ripped it off it's hinges.

"How in gods name did you do that? I'm calling the police!", she screamed.

"go ahead. I'll just have to slaughter every last one of them on the spot", I said smugly. Then I said "can I have your autograph?"

Stephenie stared at me in shock, backing away slowly. "you need to see a therapist. I think you might have some serious personality problems. I don't know who you are or what you do for a living but...I've got pepper spray! so back off!"

I smirked. what the hell is Pepper spray?

"your bluffing", I said.

"fine then I'll just get the police!" she said.

"oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.

"yeah!" she yelled.

**two hours later back home...**

"Hi esme", I said, waving a piece of paper in her face.

"hello", she said.

"guess what?"

"what?"

"Stephenie meyer loved me so much that she gave me this piece of paper with her name signed at the bottom!"

Esme took the paper from me and read it.

"Emmett, this is an restraining order. She's ordering you to stay away from her".

"what?!" I whined, grabbing the paper.

"I guess you were right. you aren't as fruity as I thought you were but...you sure are stupid".

Esme slapped some money in my hand and laughed as she walked away from me.

I just stood there, dumbfounded and hurt.

But...she's my Idol. doesn't that count for anything? doesn't she care?

Oh well...at least I have her autograph!

Next Chapter

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	11. Gayven

Moments of the cullens...and Bella : Gayven Moments of the cullens...and Bella Gayven

Bella's (POV)

I was sitting in class when I heard a loud screechy voice come over the intercom.

"um, Gayven, would you please come to the principals office?" The voice said.

I was too distracted by Edward to pay complete attention.

The next thing that happened was strange. Edward stopped playing with my hair and started to look all around him.

I had no idea what he was doing so I asked "what are you doing, Edward?"

He didn't answer but he continued to look around him.

after a moment or two realization seemed to hit me. I put together the words in the announcement over the intercom and then I started to look around me too, and so did the other students.

Gayven...Gayven...Gayven...

The way the person over the internet said that sentence made it sound like "um, Gay men, would you please come to the principals office?"

I cracked a small smile.

The next thing I know, most of the guys in the classroom got up and walked out of the room, most of which I recognized. like Eric yorkie and Mike newton.

Their gay?!

**two minutes later...**

Their was a crackling sound as someone came on the intercom.

"um, would someone please get the young men at the principals door to leave?" someone said in a panicky voice.

Edward chuckled and started to play with my hair again.

Gayven...who would name their son that?

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